失眠

Insomnia. Scrolling FB made me think of my life again. Many people have close and best friends. How abt me? Sadly to say I don't have. Having a bf who knows me well is not enough. Sometimes I just need a few more important ppl in my life. But seriously in my 20 years of living, no BFFs? Tbh I think it's truly hard to get someone that knows me and could get along with me well. Should I remain as a free spirit? Or time to get realistic, aka find real friends? I'm not good in maintaining relationships really. Love ones, friendship, kinship etc. Am I really the lone ranger? The introvert of extrovert huh
Should I get the beer in the fridge? Should I keep on sticking to my daily routine? Why is it so hard to get someone that knows me? Or am I too picky? In search. .

问题问题

其实这个blog的用意很不明确
到底要弄到很personal还是放些正经话题呢
说好要写些环保和气候变迁有关的review/opinion.可是总觉得自己不够资格写。没有料。说真的，敢敢写吧。简单的废话也写一些，也许过后有一天你都回来时什么都link到了？

我觉得这个blog就放着写不太私人的吧。私人的应该开个新的。只给自己看。甭理会什么错别字啊grammar错误啊什么的
想写什么就写

继续喝酒吧

失眠

Insomnia. Scrolling FB made me think of my life again. Many people have close and best friends. How abt me? Sadly to say I don't have. Having a bf who knows me well is not enough. Sometimes I just need a few more important ppl in my life. But seriously in my 20 years of living, no BFFs? Tbh I think it's truly hard to get someone that knows me and could get along with me well. Should I remain as a free spirit? Or time to get realistic, aka find real friends? I'm not good in maintaining relationships really. Love ones, friendship, kinship etc. Am I really the lone ranger? The introvert of extrovert huh
Should I get the beer in the fridge? Should I keep on sticking to my daily routine? Why is it so hard to get someone that knows me? Or am I too picky? In search. .

In search of myself

Did a whole load of tests and quizzes to seek out the inner me. Very rewarding Sunday afternoon actually. Some of them I found it really appealing so just wanna do a side note for the future me :D

1. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST PURPOSE

To Seek Knowledge and Share it with Others

You are a lover of knowledge. You find the greatest meaning when you are seeking to better understand your world and share your newfound knowledge with others. You have an utmost passion for diverse cultures, and are always seeking to better understand how other people live their day to day lives. You love to dive into a good book, and often are drawn to ones that are historically based, or shed light on factual events. That's not to say you don't appreciate mythology, and stories that revolve around Gods and Goddesses; you love to understand how past civilizations lived and made sense of their world through their unique legends and folklore. Your appreciation for knowledge is unparalleled, but your greater gift is in sharing your knowledge with others. You find yourself most connected when you are able to enlighten someone on a subject they know nothing about. You are not gratified by simply staying at home and reading a book or watching an illuminating documentary; although these things are immensely pleasurable to you, you love to get out and travel, and learn about other cultures first hand. You've got a bucket list full of places that you'd like to visit, and when you travel you feel most vibrant and alive. You likely work in the field of educating others somehow, because you find it deeply rewarding to see others learn. If you are not in a field where you can share your knowledge you probably find yourself stifled and unsatisfied. There is no limit to what you love to learn about: you like learning about everything from fine food/wine, nature, art, philosophy, history, religion, and so much more. Your greatest challenge is to share your passion for so many things with others. Consider hosting a documentary night at your place each month and featuring a different film each time that is engaging and educational. You will find yourself most fulfilled when you are able to have meaningful discussions with others on an intellectual level, and henceforth hear their unique point of views.

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE
self comment: CANT AGREE MORE! I always love to SHARE and if I found myself "unable" to share at a certain situation, I feel so depressed. BINGO :)

2.  WHAT CAREER ARE YOU MEAN FOR?

Judge

You have a good sense of truth, you are very calculated, you don't like to make rash decisions, and you always make sure to see both sides of every situation. You were meant to bring this world some justice

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

self comment: like REALLY!? JUDGE? well I admit I do have a sense of justice most of the time but it doesn't mean I should ended up in some law-related field? But it somehow makes me think about my interest in heading towards Policy-making in Environmental/Climate Change related field. So make sense huh?

3.  WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR PERSONALITY?

RED

You belong to the red color family! The color psychology quiz tells us that like those intense reds that you subconsciously most relate to, you're vibrant and passionate. You have a pioneering spirit and incredible leadership qualities. You're ambitious and determined. You're known for being strong-willed and confident. You tend to be the center of attention and you're impossible to overlook. Your energy can be a bit overwhelming, but on the bright side... once you've set your mind to something, there's no stopping you!

self comment: that's always me, nothing surprising :P But I have never thought that I like RED so much! My favourite purple just slowly fade away i guess?

4. WHAT IS YOUR TRUE ZODIAC SIGN?

Sagittarius

You are a free spirit with an aim in the world. You are busy enjoying life and getting what you want. You have great thinking skills. You have a positive attitude and are strong willed. You posses leadership qualities. Be careful, some of your plans may not be as realistic. As you live for the moment and make quick decisions, although you do not like to be pressured. You have many friends and acquaintances. You are a bit impatient. Sagittarius are adventurous and the most honest signs. Your true desire is to be popular and have freedom.

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: YEAHHHHHHHH I agree so much regarding "Be careful, some of your plans may not be as realistic. As you live for the moment and make quick decisions, although you do not like to be pressured.". Should I be afraid of my "overly-possessed with freedom's" character? That BREAK-FREE spirit, sometimes can be a obstacle in life though...

4. WHICH ERA IS YOUR STYLE?

Italian Renaissance

"You appreciate classical beauty, refinement, and elegance. You believe in rational thinking, and like to be up-to-date on the latest discoveries and innovations. A free-thinker, you are open to new ideas that might improve the condition of humanity. This shows in your personal tastes; an admirer of anything Greek or Roman, you like classic styles and objects from that time. You believe that most of the world's wisdom comes from the ancients and we can always learn from the past. Attire yourself in classy clothes with a touch of intricate decoration, and wear jewels such as pearls and rubies, and you'll be content"

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: I don't know? Sounds appealing to me somehow. But I do have some "classy" obsession here la. So attached with CLASSY stuff. 

5. WHAT WAS YOUR SOCIAL STATUS IN YOUR PAST LIFE?

The Royalty

You were the ruler of the kingdom in your past life! You love to be in charge and command others. People respect you because you are confident and courageous. You are a noble individual with strong leadership skills. People admire how magnificent you are and address you as “Your Majesty"

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: Hmmmmph. tbh,  I did dream about staying in a past era where I was some royal family member; dealing with some palace complicated politics and sufered with some complex love matter. Such imagination, or it's really my past life? Who knows? Sounds fancy but I truly believe it till some extent. So mysterious, so far, so distant. Am I able to find it out one day? And should my current life be the same as well?

6. Which of The Seven Deadly Sins Controls Your Life?

Envy

Your life is ruled by envy! You are loving and sensitive with a unique ability to support your loved ones. Sophisticated and empathetic, you appreciate the finer things in life and tend to know what you want. In your pursuit to find yourself and do right by your family and friends, you sometimes become quite jealous of others, whether it’s for their material goods or something deeper. Don’t forget that you are a unique and wonderful person by your own merits, and that everyone is insecure about something!

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: ADMIT IT EMILYYYYY. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN JEALOUSSSS. yes yes yes. I jealous alot, not in terms of relationship only; but since young, whenever I saw someone doing something better than me (esp something that I am forte in), I will feel so vfuwr9460erpbsknoja0c9! LOL. it can be a good thing (motivation) sometimes but hmm gonna be careful in the future ROARRR

that's all for today. gonna continue my essay. Wish November be nice to me :D

xxx

The ride that pushes me

Found this song. "Ride" by Lana Del Ray. Overwhelmed with the lyrics; the music; the story behind. I cried so hard. It touches me. I feel it.
To get the full lyrics: RIDE-LANA DEL REY


Just sharing.

"I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. 

But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is."

Freedom.. strikes me.

"I was always an unusual girl.My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...”

And this, kills me: I am literally 

"Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me."

So, What's next?

Pumped up!

Preparing for my #PowerShiftMsia interview.  Sounds familiar? Find out more here 

I have never feel so pumped up to return to campus. Found new direction, new page of my life!

#Environment #Sustainability #Youth Movement

Don't feel like posting much today, just a song for you all :)

Who doesn't love A sky full of stars? Enjoy the song :D

Oh! It's National Day soon, let's hope for a brighter future, brighter sky full of stars for Malaysia!

FIGHTING FOR FUTURE #TripleF

xxx

Life Milestone- Completion of my first degree!

"Our time at university is a time where eventually, but not easily, we figure out who we are and what's important to us. Growth is not an option, but no matter what, it sneaks up on us somehow. And without realising it we will see that the choices we make and the experience gained, in turn light the way forward. And before we know it, we would have realised that, yes, we have grown. We have changed. "

Time never flies. It is just a matter of growth.
3 years is not long but this surely must be the most intensive 3 years in my life so far. 
Starting as a freshman until completing the killer design project, I survived! A very typical quote for graduation: Thanks for everyone who supported me during my UG journey; my family, friends, lecturers, and even non-living things such as Google & Wikipedia :P But really! Without them, I am nothing. Okay I guess I am already showing a typical female's expression towards their success, as according to Sheryl Sandberg's LEAN IN

"Ask a woman to explain why she's successful and she will credit luck, hard work, and help of others. Ask a man the same question, and he is likely to explain, or at least think, "C'mon, I am awesome!"

 (I was reading this book recently, so much head nodding moment. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! especially for fresh graduates) 

Back to the topic. Many things changed all the way long. Remember in first year, I was so determined to got for MEng. And what happened now? BEng is enough. I have had enough of engineering! Should have trusted my mum's saying not to study Engineering at the very first place. But yeah, never regretted choosing this path :)

I am glad that I found my ultimate interest throughout these years. It is always not too late to discover and learn. I must say UNMC really inspire and grow me alot. Although I am not the brightest or most diligent student in the class, but trust me, I have faith in myself because I know what I want to achieve in my life. I don't found it funny when corporate recruitment interviews always ask questions like HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE COMING 5 YEARS. It is something that the outside world expect fresh-graduates to have. It strikes me many time, but clear enough, I have determined my goal and it's so different compare to the old me. 

I just found it weird that graduation happens 2.5 months after all the suffering exams and final year projects. I am totally out of that graduation mood to be honest. I have completed it long time ago, no? lol. Anyways, once in a lifetime thing. So make it the fullest! My mum was abit exaggerating while helping me to prepare for the convo. Because of her, I-dyed my hair; shopped for convo dress; hunt for respective accessories (earrings, heels, bags etc); went for facial twice; full make-up for me... She even asked me to whiten my teeth and pierce my earring holes which didn't happened eventually. It is not even my wedding :O

Graduation day was just amazing (but freaking exhausted). Met up with many coursemates and many of them already have plans. Some secured a job, with high pay, some got offered for further studies (as usual). And me? still confused what to do next, abit slow isn't it? I wasn't really in the mood that day to be honest. Probably because of the exhaustion and uncomfortable wearing the hood, eiks. Anyways, the only moment that really make me stop wandering around and stay focused was when Professor Christine Ennew and Dr Eliabeth Lee's speech. Sharing a few quotes here:

" I wish to attest to you now that the 1st lesson to be learnt is that the future is what you will make of it. You have goals, you have ambitions; you set the direction, you set the sails; you take that journey but not before you plan for the trip. In your preparations you must picture the way ahead, survey the landscape, anticipate the pitfalls, and strategize on the best passage, before you begin on that great quest. As for excitement? It will be as exciting as you make it out to be."

So, for my dear graduand fellows, University life was awesome, filled with emotions, challenges, happiness, everything! We smiled, laughed, get depressed, frustrated together; but everything have to come to an end. Now it is the time to pack your stuff, get set, brace yourself; and SHINE! 

All the best the 13/14 batch UNMC graduates :) p.s. Remember this Nottingham official font? Verdana 10- who accompanied you for the past 3-4 years :P

My Language Competency vs Identity crisis

I was doing a self reflection last night. Just for awhile. And then I stopped. Realising that I am using English (unconciously!) to sort out my thoughts. Then I was thinking: Does that mean my first language have changed from Mandarin to English? Because back then when I was overseas, especially the most recent one in India; I always tell the others my first language is Mandarin. So I switched my direction of self reflection from life purpose to my language competency.

But heyyyy look. I am using English to type this blog post too! So it further implies...? Well. Let me analyse my current language usage in normal daily life first.
p.s. I chose to use English for this post so that most of my readers can understand :D easy :p

" When a speaker of a second language pronounces that language perfectly, without any traces of the mother tongue, means that he or she is losing his or her identity? Some speakers, even living in a foreign country for years, keep the accent in order to set their identity. It’s like if losing the accent all that they are… disappear!" 
extracted from Building Linguistic wordpress website.

It's a struggle actually. Since high school, no, primary school I guess. I believe I am not the only one. Most of the Malaysian Chinese are all facing the same struggle: LANGUAGE + identity crisis.
How? If you are a Malaysian Chinese from a strong Chinese family background; then you may know what I am going to talk about.

I went through a typical Malaysian Chinese education system (language wised). Went to a Chinese primary school, learnt every major subjects by using Chinese as medium language for 6 years. Then proceeded to a government high school which mainly used Malay Language for most of the subjects besides Sciences & Maths (in English), for 5 years. Tertiary education wised I attended private College & University in Malaysia which used purely English for all teachings. So right now it is time to review how does my language competency developed throughout these years via different medium of languages used. Come to think about it, WOW I actually went through 3 different languages of teaching! Amazing, isn't it :p hohoho

Anyways. I realised it's a struggle to survive in Malaysia's multi-language market. GLC, MNCs & Academic Institutions (mostly) requires excellent English; Govermental work requires both Malay & English (mostly Malay), SMEs are mostly Chinese owns so they prefer Mandarin speaking employees, in daily life you need all 3 languages(at least for me) to communicate in restaurants, shopping malls, petrol kiosks etc. How exactly can I excel in all 3 languages? Do I need to do so?

Right now I self recognised my Mandarin as my first language, in terms of speaking, reading and writing. But writing & reading in Mandarin itself is different level kind of challenge for me. I prefer to read & write in Mandarin when it comes to 抒发情感方面。see. I don't know how to express in English lol. Okay more like when it comes to personal emotional writing (like blogging, diaries etc); and also in reading or writing some philosophy kind of topics because my "bombastic" and "literature" vocabs in English is much poorer than Mandarin. Whereas for a more scientific/technical and formal writing (formal letters, documentations etc) I will prefer English (more like I ONLY know how to use English). I learnt Sciences in English all the time, except for the short period of time in primary school. And you know those Chemical names in Mandarin is a total alien to me o.O So yeah. Just English.

So when people ask me what is your first language? Again, I don't really know. You gotta be more specific when asking me this question. You should ask me "what is your first language when it comes to reading/commenting on scientific topics" etc. But who will ask this way? Struggle. Which exactly is my first language?? Hmmm Are you in the same boat as me? Do you think we should be perfect in just one language or just leave it this way?

Now talking about accent.

Weird thing about me (is it just me or..?) is that I tend to SWITCH my accent when I speak to different people. Example:
I will use a more "proper" Mandarin to converse when I am talking to a China Chinese or Taiwanese. I don't really know why but I just feel weird to speak Malaysian style Mandarin to them! Previously I think it's embarassing to talk "improper" Mandarin especially when I am talking to foreigners. So we need to be "more class" and speak "proper" Mandarin to show that our Mandarin also not bad one. (Sorry, Malaysian English :P) Some people will find it fake. "Why la you want to pretend like them when you speak? Just speak like the way you do in Malaysia maaaa" things like that happened. But slowly when I met more Chinese & Taiwanese, they actually showed interest to learn the Malaysian style Mandarin. They found it interesting actually. So heyyy it is not a shameful thing to speak like that. I slowly feel proud of our accent. There is no "proper" or "improper" language in the world. It's just that we are in different places, but it doesn't mean that your language is "wrong". It's a culture, a heritage, a language that we should feel proud of :)

Same goes to my English. I have this weird accent, sometimes. The not-so Malaysian/Asian accent; especially when I am doing formal presentation or speaking to foreigners. And I loooove British accent so much! Found it sexy and gentle and elegant compare to American accent (sorry oops no offense). So I tend to learn and mimic British accent nowadays. But it's too hard to catch up. Sigh. Anyways, I don't know how people view me with this somehow "fake" accent but it's just a me thing. And I always can't accept Malaysians using the "improper" English accent when giving formal speeches or lecturing. It will lost my interest to continue listening to them. I just found it unacceptable and weird. Maybe it's just me. I should change my perspective in this. It's not about the accent, really. But... ok I need time to adjust ><

Next time in my CV or whatever job application, think about your language competency. Am I really qualified to state that I am a native level in xxx language when you are only good in reading/writing certain topics/documentations in it? And how does language competency affect your own identity?

Confused. Struggle. Identity Crisis.

What happened to the world? 世界突然好乱

I rarely read newspaper in India. But just the day before I returned, MH17 was shot down. I was terrified, because I'm catching a flight in less than 24 hours. Will I reach safely?

Then, another 2 more aircraft incidents happened within a week. In addition of the Palestine Gaza war. Russia & USA still never stop pointing towards each other. EU struggles. Ukrainian waiting for miracle. Indonesia just got a new PM; but with challengable status. What will happened next?

It's too scary to turn on FB or TV to watch/read news nowadays. I thought we are living in a peaceful world. I thought the world is striking for zero war. Everything seems so depressing now. Innocent lives gone everyday, every moment. What can we actually do?

Today marked a week since MH17 incident, also marked a week of me realizing how different this era is compare to the previous one. Are we actually improving? Are we moving forward? Are we on the right track?

I guess the world just need a little bit more miracle. To restore humanity, to bring hope, to don't lose faith.

Let's pray, for a better tomorrow. ♥

人生的新篇章_毕业过后何去何从

An extraordinary trip, so far, in my life.

I never thought that India would change me so much;
I never thought that India would make me think about life so badly;
I never thought that India would actually make me feel so home sick;
I never thought that India would alter my thinking towards the environment...

Too many to be covered in a post. I will split it bit by bit with pictures worth remembering in the coming few posts :)

With a gap of 2 months break before I start another stage of my life; here comes my official blog. Hurray!
Thanks to the India trip too, it increases my urge to share my thoughts to the world, to everyone else!

Stay tune <3