又来涂涂写写料
这可是2015第一个Post呢

虽然没那个luxurious time去写2014回顾 （赶着revision呢，真悲哀）
但有些感想感触，就随便写写吧

回来新山一个星期
虽然和家人相处时间不长（因为一直处于温书状态，好宅）
但是还是感触良多

讲到底都是about惜福
虽然家庭没有很美满
虽然家庭不是很有钱
虽然家庭bonding也不是很棒那种
（好像用很多虽然）
虽然还有很多的不足

但是但是！
可以见到他们，一天是一天，一小时是一小时。
聊聊天从废话到人生道理甚至到意见不合
都是过程
都让我学习很多
都让我无形中成长

感觉我还是很不踏实
身为一个大姐
虽然书读蛮高的
但一点远见都没有

至今，一点career plan都没
一点financial plan也没
一点personal/family/relationship plan 也挺马虎的
呃。。。
好像一无是处很没用
我真的是大家言重的草莓族吗
做了那么多self reflection,怎么好像都还没成长啊
好矛盾

说什么以后做工了要补贴家用
说什么要帮忙供弟弟读书
说什么要环游世界
听了好像都中听不中用，感觉很遥远，很不切实际

爸爸讲的：你现在这个阶段，就是要create what you want, and protect what you have.
可悲的是我竟然不懂得self protect.亏我也是个大学生，一点human right啊什么的好像都一知半解。。。惭愧

今年2015，我也迈向23岁啦。不是很年轻了耶emily
真的需要踩出社会磨练一下啦
这些我说的人生life lesson,不是课堂上所能学的。虽然说master出来大家都会投以羡慕的眼光
说 哇 你受高等教育的耶
但人生经验我是零啊
羡慕什么。。。我只是那个会说不会做的社会嫩草

所以。。。what I am trying to say is
没时间啦
这个世界很残忍。什么都要快狠准。
你不去improve自己，你就等着被淘汰被遗忘
谁叫我们活在一个urbanisation rate那么高的时代
大家都往钱看
好现实

曾经很明朗的未来
怎么越走越blur啊
是正常的吧？

好negative的new year post 哈哈
好吧不写了

就这样。考完试再Plan！
新年新希望，但我比较喜欢新年新气象 :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone

Blogging struggles

Finally I have the mood to write something here. Or more like I finally remember the existence of this blog. Oops

Blog is something weird. When you blog, you automatically wants more audience. At the same time, you wanna make it more private because sometimes the posts are just exclusive. I somehow wanted to build more audience on my blog, but this will slowly lost its privacy and indirectly lead me not to blog here anymore. I think it is time to start a more "technical" blog? Do I need to? Hmmm

My idea for the term "technical" will be a review based blog. Especially about climate change, sustainable development, gender issue, civil society or social justice related topics. Can be a review from books, articles, news, journals, and many more. But I am aware that I am not as experience as most of the critics or reviewers out there, so my review will be very personal and very general I think. Not much of a technical review. I want to start developing these skill so yeah. 

SO SHOULD I??? 

失眠

Insomnia. Scrolling FB made me think of my life again. Many people have close and best friends. How abt me? Sadly to say I don't have. Having a bf who knows me well is not enough. Sometimes I just need a few more important ppl in my life. But seriously in my 20 years of living, no BFFs? Tbh I think it's truly hard to get someone that knows me and could get along with me well. Should I remain as a free spirit? Or time to get realistic, aka find real friends? I'm not good in maintaining relationships really. Love ones, friendship, kinship etc. Am I really the lone ranger? The introvert of extrovert huh
Should I get the beer in the fridge? Should I keep on sticking to my daily routine? Why is it so hard to get someone that knows me? Or am I too picky? In search. .

问题问题

其实这个blog的用意很不明确
到底要弄到很personal还是放些正经话题呢
说好要写些环保和气候变迁有关的review/opinion.可是总觉得自己不够资格写。没有料。说真的，敢敢写吧。简单的废话也写一些，也许过后有一天你都回来时什么都link到了？

我觉得这个blog就放着写不太私人的吧。私人的应该开个新的。只给自己看。甭理会什么错别字啊grammar错误啊什么的
想写什么就写

继续喝酒吧

失眠

Insomnia. Scrolling FB made me think of my life again. Many people have close and best friends. How abt me? Sadly to say I don't have. Having a bf who knows me well is not enough. Sometimes I just need a few more important ppl in my life. But seriously in my 20 years of living, no BFFs? Tbh I think it's truly hard to get someone that knows me and could get along with me well. Should I remain as a free spirit? Or time to get realistic, aka find real friends? I'm not good in maintaining relationships really. Love ones, friendship, kinship etc. Am I really the lone ranger? The introvert of extrovert huh
Should I get the beer in the fridge? Should I keep on sticking to my daily routine? Why is it so hard to get someone that knows me? Or am I too picky? In search. .

In search of myself

Did a whole load of tests and quizzes to seek out the inner me. Very rewarding Sunday afternoon actually. Some of them I found it really appealing so just wanna do a side note for the future me :D

1. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST PURPOSE

To Seek Knowledge and Share it with Others

You are a lover of knowledge. You find the greatest meaning when you are seeking to better understand your world and share your newfound knowledge with others. You have an utmost passion for diverse cultures, and are always seeking to better understand how other people live their day to day lives. You love to dive into a good book, and often are drawn to ones that are historically based, or shed light on factual events. That's not to say you don't appreciate mythology, and stories that revolve around Gods and Goddesses; you love to understand how past civilizations lived and made sense of their world through their unique legends and folklore. Your appreciation for knowledge is unparalleled, but your greater gift is in sharing your knowledge with others. You find yourself most connected when you are able to enlighten someone on a subject they know nothing about. You are not gratified by simply staying at home and reading a book or watching an illuminating documentary; although these things are immensely pleasurable to you, you love to get out and travel, and learn about other cultures first hand. You've got a bucket list full of places that you'd like to visit, and when you travel you feel most vibrant and alive. You likely work in the field of educating others somehow, because you find it deeply rewarding to see others learn. If you are not in a field where you can share your knowledge you probably find yourself stifled and unsatisfied. There is no limit to what you love to learn about: you like learning about everything from fine food/wine, nature, art, philosophy, history, religion, and so much more. Your greatest challenge is to share your passion for so many things with others. Consider hosting a documentary night at your place each month and featuring a different film each time that is engaging and educational. You will find yourself most fulfilled when you are able to have meaningful discussions with others on an intellectual level, and henceforth hear their unique point of views.

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE
self comment: CANT AGREE MORE! I always love to SHARE and if I found myself "unable" to share at a certain situation, I feel so depressed. BINGO :)

2.  WHAT CAREER ARE YOU MEAN FOR?

Judge

You have a good sense of truth, you are very calculated, you don't like to make rash decisions, and you always make sure to see both sides of every situation. You were meant to bring this world some justice

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

self comment: like REALLY!? JUDGE? well I admit I do have a sense of justice most of the time but it doesn't mean I should ended up in some law-related field? But it somehow makes me think about my interest in heading towards Policy-making in Environmental/Climate Change related field. So make sense huh?

3.  WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR PERSONALITY?

RED

You belong to the red color family! The color psychology quiz tells us that like those intense reds that you subconsciously most relate to, you're vibrant and passionate. You have a pioneering spirit and incredible leadership qualities. You're ambitious and determined. You're known for being strong-willed and confident. You tend to be the center of attention and you're impossible to overlook. Your energy can be a bit overwhelming, but on the bright side... once you've set your mind to something, there's no stopping you!

self comment: that's always me, nothing surprising :P But I have never thought that I like RED so much! My favourite purple just slowly fade away i guess?

4. WHAT IS YOUR TRUE ZODIAC SIGN?

Sagittarius

You are a free spirit with an aim in the world. You are busy enjoying life and getting what you want. You have great thinking skills. You have a positive attitude and are strong willed. You posses leadership qualities. Be careful, some of your plans may not be as realistic. As you live for the moment and make quick decisions, although you do not like to be pressured. You have many friends and acquaintances. You are a bit impatient. Sagittarius are adventurous and the most honest signs. Your true desire is to be popular and have freedom.

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: YEAHHHHHHHH I agree so much regarding "Be careful, some of your plans may not be as realistic. As you live for the moment and make quick decisions, although you do not like to be pressured.". Should I be afraid of my "overly-possessed with freedom's" character? That BREAK-FREE spirit, sometimes can be a obstacle in life though...

4. WHICH ERA IS YOUR STYLE?

Italian Renaissance

"You appreciate classical beauty, refinement, and elegance. You believe in rational thinking, and like to be up-to-date on the latest discoveries and innovations. A free-thinker, you are open to new ideas that might improve the condition of humanity. This shows in your personal tastes; an admirer of anything Greek or Roman, you like classic styles and objects from that time. You believe that most of the world's wisdom comes from the ancients and we can always learn from the past. Attire yourself in classy clothes with a touch of intricate decoration, and wear jewels such as pearls and rubies, and you'll be content"

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: I don't know? Sounds appealing to me somehow. But I do have some "classy" obsession here la. So attached with CLASSY stuff. 

5. WHAT WAS YOUR SOCIAL STATUS IN YOUR PAST LIFE?

The Royalty

You were the ruler of the kingdom in your past life! You love to be in charge and command others. People respect you because you are confident and courageous. You are a noble individual with strong leadership skills. People admire how magnificent you are and address you as “Your Majesty"

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: Hmmmmph. tbh,  I did dream about staying in a past era where I was some royal family member; dealing with some palace complicated politics and sufered with some complex love matter. Such imagination, or it's really my past life? Who knows? Sounds fancy but I truly believe it till some extent. So mysterious, so far, so distant. Am I able to find it out one day? And should my current life be the same as well?

6. Which of The Seven Deadly Sins Controls Your Life?

Envy

Your life is ruled by envy! You are loving and sensitive with a unique ability to support your loved ones. Sophisticated and empathetic, you appreciate the finer things in life and tend to know what you want. In your pursuit to find yourself and do right by your family and friends, you sometimes become quite jealous of others, whether it’s for their material goods or something deeper. Don’t forget that you are a unique and wonderful person by your own merits, and that everyone is insecure about something!

TAKE THE QUIZ HERE

Self comment: ADMIT IT EMILYYYYY. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN JEALOUSSSS. yes yes yes. I jealous alot, not in terms of relationship only; but since young, whenever I saw someone doing something better than me (esp something that I am forte in), I will feel so vfuwr9460erpbsknoja0c9! LOL. it can be a good thing (motivation) sometimes but hmm gonna be careful in the future ROARRR

that's all for today. gonna continue my essay. Wish November be nice to me :D

xxx

The ride that pushes me

Found this song. "Ride" by Lana Del Ray. Overwhelmed with the lyrics; the music; the story behind. I cried so hard. It touches me. I feel it.
To get the full lyrics: RIDE-LANA DEL REY


Just sharing.

"I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. 

But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is."

Freedom.. strikes me.

"I was always an unusual girl.My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...”

And this, kills me: I am literally 

"Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me."

So, What's next?